piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
