Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
