he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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