I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
