I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
