I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
