you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
