Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You can't special order awesome
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
