I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Welp...herpes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize