Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
