4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
