Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
