i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
