shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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