Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize