please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
