Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
