He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
