remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
