I didn't shave. On purpose
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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