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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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