I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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