your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
