i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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