As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone came in the potted fern
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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