There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
