After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Success! We fucked roommates!
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