We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
