are you so shy because you have an std?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
