I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
