why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
time to smoke my breakfast
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
