it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
