i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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