He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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