Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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