I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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