meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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