Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
