1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
