I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
