found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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