I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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