Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
