I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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