you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
