What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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