I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
