a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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