drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
