from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
