Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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