Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
