Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
