Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???

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(408): View more from California

We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.

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(315): View more from New York

can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?

(720): View more from Colorado

This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?

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(847): View more from Illinois

woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose

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(585): View more from New York

I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night

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(317): View more from Indiana

Did we kick in my basement door last night?

(708): View more from Illinois

Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.

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