And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
