you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
