Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
