I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
