I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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