I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
