she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
