at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
