at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
