u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
