In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
