So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
