If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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