Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
