I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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