Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
