I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
