Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
