No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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