i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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